Parenting Resolutions & Reflections

A new year is supposed to bring new resolutions…a new start…a desire to “become a better person/parent.”  When my children were little, my resolutions typically went something like:

• Try to be more patient.
• Keep up with the laundry and house cleaning.
• Give each child individual time.

As you can probably guess, I made those resolutions year after year because I felt like I never achieved them! Every night I would say, “Please help me be more patient.” When one of the children tried my patience I would repeat, “Please help me be more patient.”  Looking back, I now realize that every time I put my intention (a request to be more patient) out to the world, the world had a funny way of giving me plenty of opportunities to practice.  Note to all parents reading this: don’t ask for patience!

When it came to laundry and housekeeping, they always need to be done -- even after I just did them (I'm sure you can relate).  As for giving each child individual time, I did my best.  With four little ones, it was a bit of a challenge.  Sometimes it was as simple as taking only one child with me while I did the grocery shopping. It may not have been exciting, but it was “alone time.”

Recently, I was speaking with a new grandmother who said how fabulously different grandparenting is from parenting.  As a granny of five, I quickly agreed. Her daughter asked us why we both felt this way. My first response was that a grandparent doesn’t have to worry about “doing it right.” The new grandmother added, “I just focus on loving the baby and having fun!” Of course, as parents we have to focus on helping a child learn boundaries, manners, and discipline. But those can be done in joyful ways.

Here’s where the reflecting comes in: why can’t parents experience the joy of grandparenting? What resolutions can a parent make to reach “grandparent joy” when it comes to their own children?  Those resolutions may look like this:

• Do my best to cherish my child and feel the joy and wonder of them.
• Make my child the priority and get to laundry and housekeeping when I can. Those things will always be there; children grow up all too quickly.

All this made me wonder why we have resolutions anyway.  Why can’t we (as parents, grandparents and people) live in the moment, try our best each day, and focus on loving the special little ones in our lives? This brought to mind a poem that was popular in the 1980s. The poem itself dates back far longer than that; however, the message still relevant today.

Song for a Fifth Child by Ruth Hulburt Hamilton (1921)

Mother, oh mother, come shake out your cloth!
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing and butter the bread,
Sew on a button and make up a bed.

Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking
Oh, I've grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby, loo).

Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
(Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).
The shopping's not done and there's nothing for stew
And out in the yard there's a hullabaloo
But I'm playing Kanga and this is my Roo.

Look! Aren't her eyes the most wonderful hue?
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo.)

Oh, cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
But children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust, go to sleep.
I'm rocking my baby. Babies don't keep.

Guest blogger: Donna Morrison, a seasoned mom, grandma and early childhood expert.  Donna currently serves as the Director of Early Childhood Programs for The Guidance Center of Westchester. www.TheGuidanceCenter.org