Don't Crack Under Holiday Stress!

It’s the holiday season and everything is merry and bright…or is it?  For most of us, the holidays bring along more than their fair share of stress.  From family gatherings to office parties to giving and receiving gifts, the list of holiday stress factors is virtually endless. Here are some tips for coping.

Scenario: “The best ever.”  Buying the perfect gifts…creating the most fabulous decorations…cooking delicious food and presenting it in a visually attractive way…often we set the bar for the holidays way too high. We try to live up to someone else’s expectations or what we see on TV.

Tip: Remind yourself that you don’t have a camera crew, photographers and a staff of 20 people to help make your holiday.  A lot of money goes into a TV show to make it “perfect” – and very little of what goes on involves anything that remotely resembles “reality.”  Keep your perspective. When you look back over the years, you don’t remember the most exquisite tree, but who you were with and time you shared.

Scenario: “I have to spend a lot to show I care.” (aka: “The Designer Dilemma”). Unless it’s a Lexus wrapped with a large bow in the driveway, you think your gift is sure to disappoint.

Tip: Make a budget. Be realistic about what you can afford. Whatever you do, don’t take on extra debt. Running up your credit cards will only cause more stress once the bills arrive.  Gifts can be meaningful even if they don’t cost a lot.  Handmade items hold sentimental value way beyond anything you can find at the mall.  Most importantly, be honest with your friends, your family and yourself.  No one would want you to put yourself in debt just for gifts.

Scenario: “Family.” This one doesn’t need much of an explanation. 

Tip:  Whether it’s your relationship with your spouse, a parent or sibling, these conflicts don’t take a holiday for the holidays. Again, be realistic and know that if a person annoys you other days of the year, he or she will on the holidays, too.  Now that you’ve accepted that reality, the holidays can be a nice time to get perspective on the situation. Perhaps you can all make a pact to get along for the day or evening by not discussing those “hot button” topics.  Sometimes, the best thing is to know who you can’t be around – and know that it’s OK to excuse yourself from that person.

Scenario: “Too much to do, too little time.” Work party…friend’s party…the kids’ musical recital at school, and they’re all on the same day!

Tip: You can’t make more time, but you can manage your time better. Mark your calendar and make lists (and be sure to share them with anyone else who you expect to participate). If you have a spouse or partner, you can each attend a different event.  And, while it’s hard to do, simply say “no” to some things.  Shopping online can save time. Remember to ask for help when you need it.

Scenario: “Hole in my heart.” Often, the holidays make us think about people who are no longer with us.

Tip: Do something special in the person’s honor such as make an ornament, light a candle or prepare their favorite treat. Share happy memories about the person with others. Remember that the person would want you to be happy and enjoy the holiday – he or she wouldn’t want you spending time missing them.

Scenario: “Newly sober.”

Tip: For those overcoming addiction, the holidays present a special challenge since most events include drinking.  If that’s something that will present a problem, excuse yourself from the event.  If you do go, have your exit plan. Make sure you’re not relying on someone else for a ride home in case you need to leave. Have your support system on speed dial. Let that person know you’ll call at a certain time to check in, and make sure you call. Remind yourself that you don’t have to go to any function that will set back your recovery.

Guest blogger: Carly Borenkind, LCSW, CASAC-T. Carly is a licensed therapist since 2002. She specializes in treating people with serious and persistent mental illness, chemical dependency and Aspergers Syndrome. Carly currently serves as the Chief Compliance Officer for The Guidance Center of Westchester. You can reach her here.