I confess. As a child, I was bullied on a fairly regular basis—sometimes physically, but usually a verbal attack—because I was always the “new kid.” My dad was a salesman and we relocated to where the work was. It wasn’t unusual for us to move on a yearly, sometimes bi-yearly, basis. Clearly, I was an easy target. But thanks to my family, and a few loyal friends, I survived pretty well. Personally, I try to use my life experiences as character builders, but I must admit that if I had the choice I would have skipped more than a few of them. They were quite painful, emotionally if not always …

More than a few times, people with adult children have casually said to me, “You have no idea how grateful I am that my children are grown!” When they hear the stories of suicides and shootings, they feel that all too familiar pang of parenthood, followed by overwhelming relief. I have to say, I’m actually a little jealous of those moms and dads out there with kids about to graduate college. Every day, as my children get older, my husband and I are faced with new parenting challenges—some we knew were coming and some completely unexpected. Over the past year or two, I was introduced to the …

Every day we send our kids to school with the hope they’ll be safe and treated well. Sometimes that’s not possible, as I found out firsthand when my son was in elementary school. Only the parent whose child has endured bullying behavior knows how unbearable it is to watch. In March of last year, I posted an article for this column called “The Definition of Bully Proof.” The goal was to provide tips I developed while helping my own son who was being bullied thrive despite the experience. I based my points on the experiences I had while parenting my son through the process. And I’m happy to say…

I’ve included a new element in my “I’ve Got Character” workshops as of late—a quick tutorial on the difference between fact and fiction. As a screenwriter, I create characters with conflicts that help move the story forward—to convey a message of some sort. Usually, the conflict in question requires both a good guy and a bad guy. When I write scripts with kids in mind, the characters with less than perfect behavior provide a prime example of what not to do. I try and make the consequences of bad choices obvious. I look at it as an opportunity to get the audience thinking, while still being …

Life isn’t about what happens to you, it’s about how you respond to what happens to you. That’s what I’ve always told my kids. The concept became especially relevant when my son was being bullied. We’d gone through the various emotions a family encounters when raising a bullied child—denial, disbelief, anger, frustration and, finally, acceptance. We reported every incident respectfully and tried everything to get the other children to stop—with little success, at first. It was then we realized that we had to do whatever it took to help our son build the confidence and self-esteem he needed to…

When I first heard the term “zero tolerance” it was presented to me as a policy put in place to help kids, like my son, who were being bullied. I guess it sounded good at the time—it seemed school administrators were as outraged by the actions of a few select students as I was. But I soon came to view it as more of a problem than a solution. Over the years, some administrators have proudly told me their school followed a “zero tolerance policy.” They boasted that if bullying was reported, or an “incident” took place, they would take it very seriously. Again, it sounded good at the time. But …

The goal of every workshop I give is simply to plant seeds—to get children to think before they take action. I make it a point not to tell them what to think, but I do hope to inspire an understanding that every choice we make creates who we are and carves out our path. I ask endless questions. Have you ever felt left out? Bullied? Have you ever accidently, or on purpose, bullied others? I make sure to include the teachers so kids can see them raise their hands—hoping students will feel more open to imperfection and take responsibility for their own mistakes if they see adults admit to their …

In an ideal world, there should be no such thing as bullying. A child would be so supported and positive they would never feel the kind of hopelessness that causes anyone to take their own life. Unfortunately, we don't live in an ideal world. If we did, the parents of Phillip Parker, a student at Gordonsville High School, TN, would have spent past weeks planning his future instead of his funeral. On occasion, this column has inspired opposing commentary that expressed a “kids will be kids” attitude. Some have shared stories of bullying when they were kids and how it made everybody stronger. …

Most of us, at one time or another, have heard the phrase, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” I’m not sure where it originated, but it’s usually a good rule to follow. Despite that fact, gossiping lives on. Actually, it’s been around forever. Throughout my childhood, I remember dealing with the drama of rumor and innuendo. Someone would say something about somebody and things would escalate until that someone got in trouble or the next hot topic took its place. On occasion, I was that topic. But the world was smaller then, and once I left school grounds I …

I’ll never forget the exact turning point—that moment when my very young son went from a downward spiral of sadness and hurt brought on by bullying, to a sense of hope and confidence. It felt like coming out of a cave. At first, I didn’t really understand the pain he was going through those early years. I remembered being bullied as a child, pushed around, but this was something more. He was being dehumanized. We spent a long time trying to change the attitudes of other people’s children, those “bullies” that plagued his every day. But we soon realized the futility of that. You can’t change …

It’s been my experience that many school administrators avoid using the “B” word. Despite the statistics, some don’t want to admit there might be “bullying” in their school. Sometimes they’re concerned having an anti-bullying workshop may lead people to believe there’s a problem. Perhaps there is a problem and they’d rather deal with it “discreetly.” I can’t really blame them all that much. I’ve seen parents scream at teachers, administrators and bus drivers. A person would be crazy not to try and avoid that kind of hostility. Still, we have to put the kids first. Children are being bullied …

The other day I had the opportunity to have a great talk with a couple of fifth-grade girls. More often than not, when I walk into a classroom for a workshop, time prevents more personal, candid conversations. So I was really curious to find out exactly what they thought the real social problems were. “So, how’s it going?” I asked, casually. They kind of shrugged at first, until I brought up the topic of popularity. Then it all came tumbling out. “You seem pretty popular at school,” I said, more as a statement than a question. Still, I got a pretty clear response. “Yeah, but if you don’t like…

In my book series, I never mention bullying, despite the fact my goal is to reduce bullying behavior. Instead, I focus on developing character, making good choices, expressing feelings appropriately and creating a positive future. I did this because I believe if we empower our children, make them aware of their potential and encourage them to set goals that take them closer to their most incredible dream life, they’re less likely to choose negative behavior. I do a workshop based on my book I’ve Got Plans: A kid’s activity book for a fun-filled future. Basically, I take children through the …

Kids in my workshops are always shocked and a little confused when I tell them I believe there’s no such thing as a bully. They know bullying exists. We all do. So why is this crazy lady saying such ridiculous things? Hands go up immediately offering comments like, “Um, no way, bullies are everywhere!” That’s when I drive home my point and say to them, “The word ‘bully’ is a label. Bullying is a behavior and behavior is a choice—a choice you may have to live with for the rest of your life.” There are children and young adults in this country who have even had to deal with potential criminal …

Around the late 1960s, “If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem” became a popular slogan. That statement is more accurate today than ever—especially when it comes to the problem of bullying. I usually write this column from the point of view of parenting a bullied child. The experience I had with my son provided me with valuable skills when it came to navigating the red tape often put up by administrations, handling and reporting each individual incident and empowering my son to maintain his confidence and self-esteem, and I’ve spent a good deal of time sharing what I’…

At one point or another, most children come home from school with some kind of social conflict. It’s a natural part of growing up. Relationships can be tricky. But when a child is being bullied, the stakes are higher. That’s why it’s important to listen to our kids and provide them with the kind of support they’ll need to resolve problems before they escalate. When my son was in elementary school and experiencing significant bullying, we had difficulty communicating our needs and expectations. We were new at this. The school wasn’t very receptive, and sometimes I think they just didn’t know …

Any parent who has raised a bullied child understands that feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop—anticipating another moment when our child might walk through the door unhappy, or in tears. We send them off to school, telling them it will be OK—to have a good attitude—but we may be just as concerned as they are that it will happen again. Although I encourage my children to think positively, I still secretly worry about them. Once bitten, twice shy. But I’ve spent a good deal of time and energy creating ways to handle the challenges of bullying behavior and encouraging others to do the…

Whether your child has been bullied in the past, or has been accused of bullying, you may find yourself keeping a watchful eye for any signs of a problem. The sooner these signs are recognized and addressed the better your chances are of resolving the issue quickly. I named this column There’s No Such Thing As A Bully for one reason. I’ve learned it’s important to separate the behavior from the child and teach our kids that their actions are a choice. I know many out there may disagree. I’ve spoken to more than a few people who seem convinced that certain kids are “just bullies.” I guess in …

If your child is being bullied, you know it’s not always easy to get them to open up and share their feelings. I remember, very well, just how tricky it could be.That’s why I created activities like Framing Your Life, Piece of the Pie and How I See Myself Now (from I’ve Got Plans: A kid’s activity book for a fun-filled future). All of these exercises are designed to help children express even the most difficult emotions, like anxiety, embarrassment, sadness or anger. I’ll never forget one day in particular when my daughter was getting frustrated with me because she couldn’t communicate …

The other day my daughter and I were talking about the start of school. She shared with me all of her concerns about going into fifth grade. Last year was a real challenge for her, as “the new kid.” Although we were able to resolve the situation, she experienced some bullying, and in the past few weeks, she’s showed concern about a possible reoccurance. As she shared her fears, she became more and more upset. Her mind had created a scary scenario about what might happen. She was so focused on it that she couldn’t think about anything else. She was resistant to any solutions and frustrated …